Not an Organic Fairy Tale - stories about real life shit

I’ve never done a juice cleanse before. I have zero desire to deprive myself of delicious solid foods and instead substitute for celery juice laced with parsley and a liquified carrot. I’m not really one for diets either, I’ve always believed that moderation is key - you can have the cream filled donut, but you don’t need 2 and you certainly don’t need it every weekend.  Now, this is not to say that I don’t love going to the local juice bar with my 2 year old and getting a freshly squeezed juice when it’s 100 degrees out. We do this often and I love a sweet greens juice every once in awhile and I rely on them for her to get the only vegetables she’ll ingest, but I’m not about to go all dramatic and do a cleanse.  Despite all this, I feel that it is time for a different kind of cleanse. I have been cleansing from all forms of media. That’s right, I’m on a facebook, instagram, and general news hiatus. It’s not that I’m ignorant and want to be in the dark about what’s going o...

I love it how… This is dedicated to my sweet and spunky two year old daughter. It is an ever present intention of mine to delight in the smallest things in life that bring joy. I think there is so much gratitude to be found if you focus on all of the little things rather than chasing some an elusive enigma of happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of joy. Gigi brings us joy every moment, and I want to look back and remember some of the sweetest things that used to bring us smiles - because even though this represents so much of our life today, I never want these memories to fade.  I love it how you have these little favorite things, like bumble bees, lady bugs, ants, puffer fish, and butterflies and when you see them in books or clothes, or any place really - you shriek with excitement. I wish I could bottle up the pure joy that you feel in these moments and experience it for the rest of my life.  I love it how your imagination is ripening every day and you are learning how to ‘p...

They say that confidence is a stain you can’t wipe off. And by they I mean a lyric to a Lil’ Wayne rap song, highly credible words of wisdom. I want to ponder this though because I think it’s a powerful statement. Unfortunately a common theme for women is to lack confidence in the work place, and maybe that’s an unfair statement and I’m over generalizing, but this is my blog and that’s been my perception of women I’ve met over the years. In my adolescent and teen years I was anything but confident, I was the perfect illustration of awkward; clothes that didn’t fit my body type, unkempt bangs, greasy pony tails, glasses and braces to boot. But as I got older and grew into my own, I started growing this little seed of confidence. I can’t really say when, or why, but I can certainly recall events that helped solidify it. Leading my own company for almost 10 years really cemented in that confidence – and sometimes I might have over done it. But this is not the time for airing out all my ...

I’ve been afraid to write. Not because I didn’t have anything to say, but because emotional imbalance since the M word (mortality) has been at an all time high. I reached such a point of desperation that I dug out an old prescription of Xanax that was three years past its expiration date. It still worked by the way.   I’m not going to relive all the grisly details of the painful and terrifying thoughts I’ve experienced over the past couple of weeks, instead I want to focus on the positive. I worked through all 9 steps of my project plan (see the last blog post) and the most relief came from seeing the general surgeon that operates on the oncology/melanoma patients. The punch line is, I have a serious problem, but we can fix it, and he’s confident that I’ll live a long and healthy live. I feel like I have a second chance at life. The sun seems brighter (not that I should be in the sun, but you get what I mean), I am more present with my family, and I have vowed to not let life pas...

“Once it reaches a millimeter in size the mortality rate increases significantly, yours is at .2 mm.”  Those were the words I heard from the Dermatologist within the first 2 minutes of him walking in the door. I’m sorry, what? Mortality? Why are you even throwing that word around? It’s 9 am on a fucking Wednesday morning and I’m here for what I thought was a pretty routine melanoma spot removed from my leg. My head was spinning, I barely remember the rest of the conversation, something about showing me how to check my lymph nodes to monitor the cancer spreading, something about oncologist and genetic testing, I was mostly blacked out…mentally. He numbed my leg and then removed the spot, and then I had to wait for a plastic surgeon to stitch it. What?? To say I didn’t understand the gravity of this appointment is an understatement. My head is spiraling. My palms are sweating, the backs of my eyes are stinging with the threat of tears. Meanwhile, I’m wearing this stupid COVID face ma...

A couple of weeks ago our financial planner asked us what sort of emotion fueled our purchases. I took a moment to reflect; when I'm happy I buy stuff because I feel good and it feels like a reward; when I'm sad I buy stuff to cure whatever sadness I'm trying to overcome; when I'm mad I buy out of revenge. Not a good path - right? Buying less and saving more has always been a struggle. Over time I've learned to identify behaviors in my life that I find less than satisfying and to trace the origin of what void they filled (at one point), and therefore were learned. I find that the only way I can change my behavior is to unlearn something negative and replace it with something positive. But this is easier said than done. I have these vivid memories of my mom pulling me out of school when I did well on a test and would take me to the mall to go shopping. This is coupled with memories of my mom going to TJ max when she was mad at my dad...to go shopping. There is no s...